A frequent thought I have came to mind on my run yesterday morning. If Kate and I were on The Titanic, would we both get to be on the lifeboats since we’re women or would I have to stay back? I talk a lot about gender on here and it’s because of random thoughts like this one. The ideas around during the time of the ship’s sinking are still around, but I feel a vibration in the constructs of our past. The world is constantly changing but it does so more in the minutiae of everyday life and tiny moments than in the grand swing of events.
Huge changes like having a baby eventually give way to the mounting influence little decisions have over a gradual period of time. All the plans we make and alter, the food we eat, who we let into our lives, who we set up boundaries with, how we forgive, how we plot our revenge, and any other myriad of human logistics all adds up. Kate and I took a chance to come to Hawaii and the short-term changes were perfectly laid out. How our life is altered in the long-term won’t be known until we have the advantage of hindsight.
Change is one of the only constants we have in life whether we choose to accept it with grace and humility or - and no one is judging here - a few tears, glasses of wine, and a phone call to your best friend. When I wrote The Book of Amy and Social Construction Zone I touched a few lightning rods for readers. I’m not sure if it’s because the topics of gender and sexuality give people the Protestant, worms-in-your-gut, shameful feeling or because people think the rules as we know them haven’t changed in our lifetimes.
That’s a big misconception because they have changed. Bennett will find it hard to believe that for the first few years Kate and I dated we were not legally allowed to get married or that Ellen Degeneres was canceled (the first time) for coming out on her show. He may also be astounded that we were in college when iPhones arrived. Change happens everyday whether we plan it or not. We as a society are now in the midst of trans rights and the first African-American Supreme Court justice nominee. The former taking shape over many decisions, people, and events, and the latter culminating in one massive swing vote. Both are social dynamics that will alter how we move forward as a society but coming about in different ways.
I constantly have to remind people - and be reminded - that change is hard. Humans, for all the things we’ve changed, are very bad at it. It means leaving the cave, forging a new path, or acknowledging that we are discontent with the current state. One meditative ethos I follow closely is the idea that nervousness and excitement are two sides of the same coin. They share similar physical traits and arrive around the same time. It’s okay to feel both because those feelings can happen simultaneously. Life will simply be easier if you acknowledge them.
So remember, if you’re hearing a lot about the “vibe shift” or how our world isn’t “normal” anymore it’s because it isn’t, but no one ever promised that it would stay the same.